Do you guys ever randomly get stuck on the phone with some institution that you would rather not talk to for like two hours? Here I am, minding my own business, seeing if my phone bill payment went through and there is a balance that is abnormally high on it. Upon further investigation, I see that NETFLIX had been charged to my phone bill. NETFLIX. What in the actual fuck? Why would a streaming service be charged to a phone bill? So, after live chatting with my phone company, then calling Netflix WHILE on live chat with the phone company, then calling Netflix back again because Rogers was saying it was Netflix’s fault that I was being charged even though my phone and Netflix was not linked WHATSOEVER. Finally Rogers refunded me but they are saying it might be a fraud so I changed my passwords and stuff but like it’s so annoying to deal with surprise charges from random bullshit. One time I renewed my contract with Rogers where you get Spotify Premium free for year and they started to charge me for it. I had to call them every month for three months. It was super irritating. Honestly sometimes I wish I didn’t have a phone, less problems and less cost.

I actually started to read a book called 24/6 about a family that unplugs one day a week and I think I will try to do that. No phones, no screens at all, nothing. I’m trying to be less and less on my phone and more and more doing other things and while I feel like it’s working, sometimes it amazes me how I get lost in my phone. Not for long, but sometimes it’s like 20 minutes and I’m just like, where did the time go? Imagine how much time we waste on screens. It’s pretty scary don’t you think? I’m even on a screen now, writing this. We just need to make more time for things not involving screens. I am 100% down to try putting my phone down, when I do it now, sometimes I don’t even realize it’s not there unless I want to know the time. I’ll need to get my watch battery fixed I think…. Stay tuned to see what happens!

So, today I have a day off. There was originally a forecast for a second snow storm today, so I made no plans to go out and do something so now I am at home cleaning and organizing. I am taking a short break as you can probably guess, by writing this. I am trying to update here regularly, hopefully I’ll come up with some sort of routine to post things, otherwise, you’ll only be getting book reviews haha. I feel like I have so much to say, but not enough time to write all the posts so I need to be able to make time for everything.

I have started this blog because I enjoy writing and reading and finding out about things people read, use or bake and trying new things or discovering new books, products or food so I decided to put that here on my page. My mind is just a mess of things so I need to figure out how to organize what I want to write about and how to say it. It’s definitely a learning process, which ANYONE can do. What I love about the pandemic is that there are a lot of people who have been doing creative things, whether it’s work related or just for fun. Obviously this is not for my work, but I love writing. I always have and have always kept journals or diaries throughout my life. I find they help the most when I am having a hard time, but I am trying to write during all times of life now because my last blog, while being a release of a lot of negative experiences and energies I had during 2016-2017, was really depressing. Someone, who shall remain nameless, kicked me down when I was already at my lowest point, when she should have known better. I usually forgive most people, I don’t normally hold a grudge, but you bet your ass I will never forget how people have made me feel. Not sure if this is stupid or not, but some people will always be in your life, whether they are good for you or not, you just have to put up limitations. I for one don’t really care if you don’t like me or not. I have spent most of my life catering to other people to make them happy before myself, and who was there for me when I needed them the most? Not a lot of those people. Am I upset about this ? Not really, being a nice person all the time gets people walking all over you, now I put my foot down and I am MUCH HAPPIER. I don’t do anything I don’t want to do and I am almost always happy. I do suffer from anxiety and a little depression here and there, you just need to focus on yourself, which took me a long time but I have come a long way. I tell people what I need from them and if they are not able to do those things with or for me, then I don’t need them. If you’re not a positive person or a positive addition to my life then I will not surround myself with you plain and simple. Does that make me sad? A little, but why should I waste my time with someone who doesn’t consider me or my feelings or make me a priority? If you keep someone in your life that anchors you down and makes you unhappy, why surround yourself with that person? You’re just setting yourself up for disaster. That being said, I am in a much better place mentally now than I have been probably in my entire life. Can you say the same about yourself? No? Then work on yourself and learn to love yourself and I promise you won’t be disappointed. It took me a long time, but I finally know who I am.

Don’t give up! If there’s something you want to do, do it! Who cares what other people think, do it for yourself. You’re the only person that matters in the end. Whether you’re in a couple or you have a family, you’re still your own person. Ask yourself who you are and what defines you. When you look inside you’ll find great things! That’s why I’m here on this blog, because I love to write and explore new things and share new things. Maybe you’ll like it and maybe you wont, but this page is here to stay, full of different moods and experiences! I’m glad to have you along for the ride!

So, an hour ago I got home from driving the boyfriend to work. It is currently 7:15 a.m. On a Saturday. I tried to go back to sleep but I could not so I decided to write something. I feel like I always have words to say because I’m Italian and pretty social and I have not really had a social life this past year so I feel like there are a lot of words inside me just screaming to be released into the world for all to hear.

So this new job is literally a 5 minute drive from my house and while I was driving I realized how quiet everything is outside at 6 a.m. Sure, I wake up at like 630 every day, but I don’t go outside really, I’m just eating and getting ready for work. Sometimes I go out with the dog but I’m not really paying attention to everything around me, just the dog. There was literally no one on the road and this could be because it’s 6 a.m. on a Saturday and only crazy people are out and about, it could be because we are in a pandemic STILL and we have a curfew that ends at 5 a.m. or it could have been because it was -15 feels like -25 and most people, let’s face it, hate the cold.

I definitely do not spend enough time outside early in the morning. Or late at night come to think of it, two times of day when there is no one out there. Now we have a curfew starting at 8 p.m. so the late night walks will have to wait but maybe I will try to go out earlier in the morning perhaps when it is less cold. Now I am happily hibernating inside and creating these wonderful blog posts that either nobody reads or people really enjoy. Maybe I should tell more people about this page. I always feel uncomfortable telling people about the things I do because I feel like no one takes them seriously. I guess I don’t understand how people can’t be supportive of the things that I do. I always try to be supportive of others but I almost feel like it is never reciprocated when it comes to me. Maybe it’s all in my head or maybe you’re reading this going “oh shit that’s me, maybe I should do some reflecting about how I treat other people.” Just kidding, those types of people don’t change the way they think. Or maybe they do, but for the most part, they don’t unless they really want to. That being said, I don’t really give a shit what people think about me and how people respond says more about them than about me so they can suck it!

Also, going back to my post the other day about manners, yesterday I was PUSHED in an aisle at Michael’s. For those of you that don’t know what that is, it’s a craft store. Anyways, I was in so much shock. I’ve been nudged by people before but I was full on shoved! I didn’t really know what to say, plus the person hurried off. I don’t know if she was pissed because they didn’t have the wool she wanted or like she was nervous about being in a store during the pandemic but seriously calm the efff down everyone. That’s all you gotta do folks, calm the efffff down.

Do you ever have nightmares? I don’t really, most of my dreams are WTF dreams mostly, but it’s 12:43 am and I just had the most terrifying nightmare. I’ve been awake for 45 minutes and I probably shouldn’t be on my phone but I don’t feel like reading or watching TV. Mostly I just feel shaken but I felt so nauseous when I woke up I was almost sick. But I wasn’t, thankfully.

A few years ago, I suffered pretty bad PTSD from a relationship, a terrible experience, I do not recommend it at all because clearly, years later you can have nightmares that are so vivid you feel sick to your stomach. It’s so weird because I feel mostly okay now (it’s been like 5 years) thanks to therapy and some of my friends being there for me. I am the biggest believer in therapy and I think everyone should go. It hurts my soul that I don’t have the money to go every week or that people who seriously need therapy do not have it available to them. That’s the problem with mental health, it is not taken seriously and the mental healthcare is not available to the people who need it. Or it is and is super expensive (totally worth it in my opinion, I’d pay like $1000 a session if I could, therapists are the best!).

The dream I had felt so real and I can’t even explain to you the terror I felt in the dream and when I woke up. I was brought back to a place that I did not enjoy. I did not enjoy how I felt or who I turned into because of the situation. Maybe one day I will share my story on here but today is not the day. I have written about it in journals, actually I wrote about it on my old blog. That’s why I deleted it because it was mostly about that plus some extremely hurtful actions that took place behind my back while I was dealing with the aftermath of what was happening. Who wants to remember in detail the negative? Well unfortunately I have a really good memory which sucks when bad things happen because I remember every single detail but is great for all the good times unless alcohol is involved haha

Anyways, now I just feel like I’m rambling and not really saying anything in particular which is okay because it’s getting me distracted. Usually I take deep breaths when I wake up afraid and tell myself it’s not real and that I don’t have anything to worry about but this is working good in addition to that so yay blogging! I hope you all have wonderful sweet dreams tonight and that you never have bad nightmares, but if you do, try and remember they are just that, a nightmare and not reality.

Ladies and gentlemen, today I’m going to rant about manners. Why manners you ask? Well, because WHERE THE HELL HAVE EVERYONE’S MANNERS GONE? I work in a retail establishment and I go to the grocery store which are legit the only two things that I can do during this pandemic and it looks like manners do not exist anymore. I understand that we have been living this pandemic life for almost a year now and people are tired and frustrated on top of the things that they were already dealing with before the world (besides Florida let’s be honest) shut down, but I can’t stand that every day almost there are mannerless people EVERYWHERE. Yes I wrote mannerless which I just invented right now. Hashtag new word. I am not talking about being yelled at because someone forgot to wear their mask in the store and I had to tell them to put their mask on and they hate wearing one so they continuously yell at me because that. No, I am talking about normal manners. Here are some examples.

1. Trying to get someone’s someone’s attention by waving, snapping or knocking on a counter. Who ARE you that you think that it is appropriate for people to be approach in that way? In my honest opinion, that is probably the rudest thing anyone can do. Were you not taught patience or manners? Cleary not. Which brings me to my next subject.
2. SAYING EXCUSE ME. If you have a question for someone, say excuse me, can you help me with this ? Or something to that effect… how hard is it to be polite? Same thing when you’re trying to pass by someone when you’re walking. I cannot tell you how many times I have been stepped on or pushed at work or at the grocery store when I been rammed into by customers and their shopping carts! Seriously people just say excuse me. I said excuse me three times to someone in the grocery store last week and she didn’t hear me since her head was in the freezer looking at Thai Express frozen wonton soup so I yelled so she could hear but didn’t so since there was enough room I decided to pass and she chose that exact moment to turn around INTO me. I said sorry and she gave me a dirty look. So it goes.
3. Be aware of your surroundings. Look around. People are everywhere in public areas. Numerous people have walked into me backwards or tripped over me. TRIPPED OVER ME. I AM NOT INVISIBLE HOW DO YOU NOT SEE ME ? Okay, this isn’t really a manners thing, it’s an awareness thing which like still annoys me to no end.
4. Be respectful. Always. I cannot stand when people are disrespectful. Especially when they are older than me and I’m in a higher position than them at work. Just because I’m younger than you, does not mean I am worthy of less respect or I am worth less than you. I honestly don’t give a fuck if you don’t like me. There are probably a lot of people who don’t like me but at least be respectful. Jesus. I always try my best to be respectful of everyone because there’s nothing worse than getting pointless attitude from someone.

Okay, rant pretty much over. Just people please make sure that you are nice when you go out because the workers out there as well as the other people out and about deserve respect not to mention we are all exhausted in our own way. Treat other people how you feel you should be treated. Make someone smile today instead of being their 10th eyeroll of the day. By simply being pleasant, you could make someone’s day. Think about that the next time you push past someone in a public place.