Do you ever have nightmares? I don’t really, most of my dreams are WTF dreams mostly, but it’s 12:43 am and I just had the most terrifying nightmare. I’ve been awake for 45 minutes and I probably shouldn’t be on my phone but I don’t feel like reading or watching TV. Mostly I just feel shaken but I felt so nauseous when I woke up I was almost sick. But I wasn’t, thankfully.

A few years ago, I suffered pretty bad PTSD from a relationship, a terrible experience, I do not recommend it at all because clearly, years later you can have nightmares that are so vivid you feel sick to your stomach. It’s so weird because I feel mostly okay now (it’s been like 5 years) thanks to therapy and some of my friends being there for me. I am the biggest believer in therapy and I think everyone should go. It hurts my soul that I don’t have the money to go every week or that people who seriously need therapy do not have it available to them. That’s the problem with mental health, it is not taken seriously and the mental healthcare is not available to the people who need it. Or it is and is super expensive (totally worth it in my opinion, I’d pay like $1000 a session if I could, therapists are the best!).

The dream I had felt so real and I can’t even explain to you the terror I felt in the dream and when I woke up. I was brought back to a place that I did not enjoy. I did not enjoy how I felt or who I turned into because of the situation. Maybe one day I will share my story on here but today is not the day. I have written about it in journals, actually I wrote about it on my old blog. That’s why I deleted it because it was mostly about that plus some extremely hurtful actions that took place behind my back while I was dealing with the aftermath of what was happening. Who wants to remember in detail the negative? Well unfortunately I have a really good memory which sucks when bad things happen because I remember every single detail but is great for all the good times unless alcohol is involved haha

Anyways, now I just feel like I’m rambling and not really saying anything in particular which is okay because it’s getting me distracted. Usually I take deep breaths when I wake up afraid and tell myself it’s not real and that I don’t have anything to worry about but this is working good in addition to that so yay blogging! I hope you all have wonderful sweet dreams tonight and that you never have bad nightmares, but if you do, try and remember they are just that, a nightmare and not reality.